To my 16 year old self

aJust the other day my husband and I were talking about when our kids are teenagers - what we think they will be like, how we'll deal with certain situations that are bound to happen, what we were like as teenagers and what we wish we would have known then. All of this has led me to today's blog! I decided to write a letter to my 16 year old self (which in turn is sort of my hopes for my daughter and son's).

Dear Janna:
First and foremost - being a teenager sucks. I will never tell any teenager that it doesn't. Highschool is hard (not necessarily the school work - although math isn't fun either), teenage emotions suck, other teenagers suck. Plain and simple, it sucks. Don't get me wrong, you'll have fun. There will be great times and fun had by all but there will be many days when you feel overwhelmed with hormones and emotions and it will SUCK. But thats when you need to talk to people who really care - don't go and pretend like everything is fine by the boy you have a crush on. Don't go and talk to the girl you think is "super cool" because she probably has just as many f'ed up teenage emotions as you and well...teenage girls SUCK and aren't very nice. Go and talk to your Mom. If you're having a shitty day and your friends are being jerks and the boy you're crushing on is totally being a dink and you failed a math test and you got your period - talk to your Mom. Even if you think she is totally "uncool" she has probably been through all of those emotions before and is probably way more chill than you think. Mom's get it - but they don't really get that kind of credit. 

Second, when you fall in love with that older boy and you give him your everything and then eventually you find out that he cheated, or he dumps you  and you feel like your entire world is about to fall apart and you can't go on - guess what? You can. One day you'll look back and laugh that that was such a big concern in your life. It will one day seem so little and unimportant in comparison to where you are now. We need to have heartbreak and date losers to find out who really deserves us for the long haul. You've gotta weed out the bad, and Janna, you're gonna have some bad ones.

Third, parties, friends, boys, beer. Those are going to be high priorities. But, instead of consuming your time with those three things make time for your parents. Make time for the few friends you've neglected because you think you're too cool for them. Don't give up on doing things you really love - like figure skating, reading, walking with your Mom. When you get a curfew and your other friends don't - realize that your parents aren't doing that to be royal jerks. They are doing it because they love you. Follow that curfew. Be honest. Parents know EVERYTHING. Even if you think you're the sneakiest girl around - your parents will find out and when they find out from someone else, you're in deep shit. So be honest. Its better for everyone in the end. 
Fourth, one day you'll regret causing your Mom so much heart ache and sleepless nights. Trust me, Janna, you'll one day be an adult (maybe with kids of your own) and you'll get a knot in your stomach when you think about how you hurt your Mom as a teenager. I'm a firm believer in NO REGRETS but if I could change anything about my past, its causing my Mother grief. No one in the world loves me like my Mother and I treated her poorly. Don't make that mistake.

Fifth, don't worry what everyone else thinks. As a teenager this is the HARDEST thing. You just want to fit in because if you don't, it sucks worse than it already does. But, if you have a shirt that you absolutely love and its not the in thing, wear it anyways. Stick up for those who need it. You don't want to be remembered as the "mean girl". Be nice. It will get you farther in life and if someone makes fun of you for being nice, then you probably don't need that person in your life anyways. Even if they are considered the popular ones. 
Lastly, don't sweat it. Highschool sucks and it seems like the most important time in your life until the day after your graduate from grade 12. Then you will realize that highschool means nothing. Graduating from post secondary education is WAY bigger, surviving University is more important, your first "real" job is more important, living on your own is more important, your first real love (thats not highschool love) is more important, marriage, kids, your first home - all WAY more important. Eventually highschool will seem like a very minor detail in your life. So keep your chin up - when the going gets rough remember that one day this moment at age 16 is not that important. Bigger and better things are on their way for you.
Love, 
Your 28 year old self