Today on Facebook someone shared a "daddy bloggers" blog about parenting. To put it in a nutshell he was talking about how everyone parents differently and that just because you parent a particular way and it works for you and your family it won't work for everyone. So, in the end it said "As far as I can tell, from my own .000000001 percent experience, there is only one “strategy” that absolutely every parent in the world ought to adopt: love your children. Love them. Strive to do what is best for them. This, this I will insist is the “right” way for all parents to parent. I’m not saying love is ALL your child needs. She probably needs some food, and water, and shelter, and a ride to field hockey practice, but give her all of these things in love. And whatever direction you go with the “controversial” parenting topics, go that way in love. Love your child. Love YOUR child, specifically. The opinions of the self-appointed jury don’t matter, because those people don’t love your kids. Not like you do. They also don’t know them. Not like you do. They speak in the abstract, based on their experience with their own children. But their own children aren’t your children, and the distinction is absolutely relevant. I don’t know anything. I’m not an expert in anything. I’m certainly not an expert in parenting. But I’m pretty sure about this part. Love your children. Love them, and everything else will fall into place.
Love your child. Then spank him if he needs it. Or don’t. It’s up to you."
This really hit home because as a Mother of 3, my husband and I have figured out some "tricks" that work for our family and how we raise our children. We do certain things and feel strongly about certain things that not all my parent friends believe in for their families. Does that make what we do wrong? Or what my friends do, wrong? No. Not at all. Are they going to have demon children while mine will be perfectly well behaved? Absolutely not! My husband, Kurtis, and I do what works for us. We learned things from our parents and look back at how we were raised and we do some of the same things. We also do some things that we learned on our own and find works for us.
Here are a few examples:
My husband and I believe in spanking (when necessary). We don't beat our children but when we feel that it is necessary, it happens.
We do not believe in co-sleeping. Our bed is for "us" as a couple. The only time our kids are in our bed is if they sneak in when they have had a bad dream and need a 5 minute cuddle, they are sick or in the morning when they wake up and crawl into our bed to wake us up for the day. Many people believe in co-sleeping, all the power to them. It won't happen here.
We allow our kids to have treats. We don't let them live off treats and they can't eat a chocolate bar or a fruit snack 10 minutes before supper but they are allowed to have them within reason. I was allowed treats. My husband was allowed treats. We aren't morbidly obese or treat crazed people now. We eat healthy and allow ourselves to have snacks too.
I breastfeed. My husband and I are both pro breast. I nurse in public. I own a "hooter hider" and in public will put it on, but I don't tuck myself into a private bathroom. If it disturbs you, don't look, but I'm feeding my child the same way a woman feeds her child with a bottle. If you come to my home, I may put on a hooter hider or I may feed my son on my couch. Once again, if you don't like it, don't look.
These are just a few things - I'm sure if I really sat down and thought the list could go on and on and on. I'm not saying I'm parent of the year. I am far from it. I'm not saying that everything we do as parents is "correct" and that everyone else should follow us. I'm saying this works for us and if you ask me "hey what worked for you in this situation?" I will tell you but I won't say that it will 100% work for you. What worked for potty training my son, did not work as well for potty training my daughter and neither of those things may work for my newest son. Its a crap shoot! Every child is different and unique and special and so is every parent! Every parent is going through something crazy and beautiful! Parenting is hard and wonderful and a hell of a journey and too many people judge, judge, judge. Try supporting. Try listening to all the different ways to parent and in the end, just do what works for you and your family. I'm not perfect. I know I've judged. I know I will judge. But I'm working hard on doing that less and less and hopefully one day not at all. Parents need support not judgment. I know this because even as a parent of 3, I still question my abilities some days and want someone to say "You're doing a good job!" instead of "I can't believe you do this..., we do this!"
And finally, like the daddy blogger said - love your child. Raise him or her the way you need or want and at the end of the day, what it comes down to is LOVE. Our children, the children of this world need love...each and every one of them. My hope for Rory, Jack and Henry is that they grow up knowing til their very last breath that they were deeply loved by me all the days of their life.
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