Friends always amaze me. In my 28 years of life I have had many, many friends. I have had friends that have been a part of my life since the day I was born and are still incredibly important to me now. I have friends that I met in elementary school, middle school and high school. Some of which I am still good friends with today and others that have come and gone in my life. I have friends that I made in University/when I lived in Saskatoon. I have friends I made when I moved back to Bruno. I have friends I have met through work, Mom's groups and my kids activities. Friends I have met through my husband, through my family, through my children. Some of these people have been a part of my life for only a brief moment and some for many, many years. None being more important than the other because in one way or another they were special to me for either a day, a month or many years.
These people have come into my life and some have left it now but they have all made impacts on me. I have learned things from each and every friendship - each one unique and different. To my friend that I have known all my life - you're the true definition of a best friend. You've been a part of every single big and small moment in my life - even when we weren't in the same town or province. We can talk everyday or once every couple months and there is never a lull in the conversation. I can call you when I'm the most happy and I can call you when I'm the most sad and you're there all the same. I hang up the phone feeling almost drunk because of the happiness you bring to my life! 28 years is a long time...can't wait for 28 more!
To the friend I have had since preschool - you've grown up right beside me. Preschool to Grade 12. SIAST and University. Parties, bars, engagement, marriage and now families! You've seen my best and my worst and we still have one another's back!
To my friends that were near and dear to me at one time and have since chosen different paths. Thank you for being a big part of my life - whether it was a year or two or three. Thank you for being a stepping stone to who I am today. You helped me realize what is important to me.
To my friends that I still love dearly but maybe am at a different place in my life than you or that I am unable to see or talk to as much as I wish I could - you're not forgotten. I wish you well and when we see each other again you will realize that you're always in my heart, even if we don't get a chance to see one another as much as we maybe should.
To my newest friends - I'm excited to see where we end up! I'm excited for our fun times we've had already and for the fun times still to come!
Everyone needs a friend! I'm so lucky to have the ones I do and to have had the ones I did!
Thursday, 13 February 2014
Sunday, 2 February 2014
What I want to be when I grow up.
We always ask children "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and they will answer things like "A Firefighter", "A hairdresser", "A teacher", "A Barbie" (Yes, I've actually witnessed that answer), "A scuba diver" or maybe "A nurse". Regardless of what it is we've been asking that question or have been asked that question for years and years. I remember wanting to be a teacher, a veterinarian, back to a teacher, as I got older, a social worker and then going to University and being unsure of where I was headed. I worked a few jobs, a few of which I could of made "careers" out of. Then I became a Mom and that became my career. Now, as I am done having children and even though they are young and being at home with them is still priority, I often ask myself "What do you want to be when you grow up, Janna?" Now when I sit back and really think about this question, my answer has changed dramatically.
Here is what I want to be when I grow up:
I want to be happy.
I want to be content.
I want to be generous.
I want to be patient.
I want to be kind.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be loving.
I want to be trustworthy.
I want to be non-judgmental.
I want to be unique.
I want to be honest.
I want to be hard working.
I want to be faithful.
I want to be soulful.
I do believe you must love your job. How can you get up day in and day out if you hate your job? But, I don't think your job defines who you are. If someone asks me "What type of job do you do?" I would be happy to say "I'm a Mother of three and I work as an Educational Assistant" but if someone says "What do you want to be when you grow up?"...well that my friend is harder to answer...I want to be a lot of things. I often think that if someone had to write a Eulogy for me, I would want them to think of me as those things. I would want to be remembered as happy and patient and kind. Or generous, caring and unique. And if I want people to remember me that way when I'm gone then I need to live that way now!
Here is what I want to be when I grow up:
I want to be happy.
I want to be content.
I want to be generous.
I want to be patient.
I want to be kind.
I want to be healthy.
I want to be loving.
I want to be trustworthy.
I want to be non-judgmental.
I want to be unique.
I want to be honest.
I want to be hard working.
I want to be faithful.
I want to be soulful.
I do believe you must love your job. How can you get up day in and day out if you hate your job? But, I don't think your job defines who you are. If someone asks me "What type of job do you do?" I would be happy to say "I'm a Mother of three and I work as an Educational Assistant" but if someone says "What do you want to be when you grow up?"...well that my friend is harder to answer...I want to be a lot of things. I often think that if someone had to write a Eulogy for me, I would want them to think of me as those things. I would want to be remembered as happy and patient and kind. Or generous, caring and unique. And if I want people to remember me that way when I'm gone then I need to live that way now!
A blessing and a curse?
Being a Mother is a wonderful thing. I have done a lot of things in my 28 years but becoming a Mother has been #1. I can't think of anything in my life that is even comparable. But, I find that many aspects of being a Mother is both a blessing and a curse. Now, some of you may be freaking out reading that and thinking that I am saying parts of being a parent is a curse...that is not the case. Read on and let me clarify my statement of being a MOTHER is both a blessing and a curse.
#1 - BREASTFEEDING. I LOVE breastfeeding. I have breastfed all of my children and look back at doing that with fond memories. I am still nursing my youngest (almost 5 months old). I love nursing because I feel like I get a real moment to bond with my baby. There are many times when I remember curling up in a rocking chair and nursing and having a quiet moment with my baby. A Father does not get that privilege. Its a blessing for a Mom (who chooses to nurse and enjoys it. I realize its not for everyone.) Its a curse in the fact that when your baby of only a few days or weeks old wakes up every 1 or 2 hours, cluster feeding, all night long and the nursing Mother gets up every time to feed. Then, its a curse.
#2 - Just recently my husband and I have started a bit of sleep training with our almost 5 month old. He was becoming a terrible sleeper at night and we knew he was getting in some bad habits and wanted to fix them before they got too bad. I was complaining to my husband one night before sleep training officially started that I was exhausted from getting up all night long and still having to function either at work or with the other kids. He said "I don't mind getting up when you really need the break - especially on weekends when I don't have to get to work". I then had to explain that it doesn't matter because even if Henry wakes up and my husband goes to him (which I do appreciate), I will lie awake and listen to him soothing him to sleep, changing a diaper, etc. He said "Why? We have 3 kids. I am very capable" and I know that he is. I have no doubts in his parenting skills. But, once again, its a Mothers blessing and a curse. When our babies need soothing, loving, rocking, sleep training, etc etc we feel we have to be there for every single minute. I can very easily stay in my bed and let my husband go and tuck him back in or feed him a bottle that I pumped but I won't get any sleep. I will lay in my bed and listen to them in the monitor and fall back asleep when my husband comes back to bed and I know my baby is sound asleep again.
#3 - carrying a child. I couldn't imagine not being the one to carry my babies for 9 months and go through the whole labor and delivery thing. Don't get me wrong. Its not all pleasant by any means but nonetheless I consider it a "blessing" that I was able to do so 3 times. But with such a blessing comes the curse; excess weight, stretch marks, saggy boobs and extra skin, kegels, kegels, kegels!
#4 - Mommy guilt! Now this can cover oh so much! But to name a few that I have gone through. When I decide to quit nursing - whatever time that may be. You feel guilty (are they ready? Am I ready?) Being a stay at home Mom has guilt (They are missing out of the 'daycare' experience. They don't get a chance to play with other kids like daycare kids do.) If I go back to work whether after 4 months or 4 years (Is this the right thing to do? Do they need me at home? Is it worth it?) Wanting (perhaps needing!) an evening out - whether a date night with your hubby or a girls night out (Should I be home? Why do I feel like I need a night out? I should stay home...all the time!) Or disciplining your child. They need to be disciplined and you stand your ground and you do whats right and as your child is either having a time out or you've taken away one of their favorite things as punishment you lock yourself in the bathroom, feeling so terrible for doing so but know you can't cave. These are just to name a few and I'm sure for the most part reading that you're thinking "what part of that is a blessing?" but I consider it to be a blessing because if you have those strong feelings it must be because you feel very strongly about something. If you didn't love your kids and your family you wouldn't struggle with Mom guilt. But, its also unfortunate (a curse, one might say) that you question everything you do. Why can't the decision to go back to work or stay home from be easy? Why can't disciplining your kids or planning an evening out be simple? Because we love our kids. We love our kids more than anyone every could and we always question ourselves because we want nothing but the best.
Being a Mother is a BLESSING! But even the most blessed things can cause for hard times! Let's just hope that the good outweighs the bad!
#1 - BREASTFEEDING. I LOVE breastfeeding. I have breastfed all of my children and look back at doing that with fond memories. I am still nursing my youngest (almost 5 months old). I love nursing because I feel like I get a real moment to bond with my baby. There are many times when I remember curling up in a rocking chair and nursing and having a quiet moment with my baby. A Father does not get that privilege. Its a blessing for a Mom (who chooses to nurse and enjoys it. I realize its not for everyone.) Its a curse in the fact that when your baby of only a few days or weeks old wakes up every 1 or 2 hours, cluster feeding, all night long and the nursing Mother gets up every time to feed. Then, its a curse.
#2 - Just recently my husband and I have started a bit of sleep training with our almost 5 month old. He was becoming a terrible sleeper at night and we knew he was getting in some bad habits and wanted to fix them before they got too bad. I was complaining to my husband one night before sleep training officially started that I was exhausted from getting up all night long and still having to function either at work or with the other kids. He said "I don't mind getting up when you really need the break - especially on weekends when I don't have to get to work". I then had to explain that it doesn't matter because even if Henry wakes up and my husband goes to him (which I do appreciate), I will lie awake and listen to him soothing him to sleep, changing a diaper, etc. He said "Why? We have 3 kids. I am very capable" and I know that he is. I have no doubts in his parenting skills. But, once again, its a Mothers blessing and a curse. When our babies need soothing, loving, rocking, sleep training, etc etc we feel we have to be there for every single minute. I can very easily stay in my bed and let my husband go and tuck him back in or feed him a bottle that I pumped but I won't get any sleep. I will lay in my bed and listen to them in the monitor and fall back asleep when my husband comes back to bed and I know my baby is sound asleep again.
#3 - carrying a child. I couldn't imagine not being the one to carry my babies for 9 months and go through the whole labor and delivery thing. Don't get me wrong. Its not all pleasant by any means but nonetheless I consider it a "blessing" that I was able to do so 3 times. But with such a blessing comes the curse; excess weight, stretch marks, saggy boobs and extra skin, kegels, kegels, kegels!
#4 - Mommy guilt! Now this can cover oh so much! But to name a few that I have gone through. When I decide to quit nursing - whatever time that may be. You feel guilty (are they ready? Am I ready?) Being a stay at home Mom has guilt (They are missing out of the 'daycare' experience. They don't get a chance to play with other kids like daycare kids do.) If I go back to work whether after 4 months or 4 years (Is this the right thing to do? Do they need me at home? Is it worth it?) Wanting (perhaps needing!) an evening out - whether a date night with your hubby or a girls night out (Should I be home? Why do I feel like I need a night out? I should stay home...all the time!) Or disciplining your child. They need to be disciplined and you stand your ground and you do whats right and as your child is either having a time out or you've taken away one of their favorite things as punishment you lock yourself in the bathroom, feeling so terrible for doing so but know you can't cave. These are just to name a few and I'm sure for the most part reading that you're thinking "what part of that is a blessing?" but I consider it to be a blessing because if you have those strong feelings it must be because you feel very strongly about something. If you didn't love your kids and your family you wouldn't struggle with Mom guilt. But, its also unfortunate (a curse, one might say) that you question everything you do. Why can't the decision to go back to work or stay home from be easy? Why can't disciplining your kids or planning an evening out be simple? Because we love our kids. We love our kids more than anyone every could and we always question ourselves because we want nothing but the best.
Being a Mother is a BLESSING! But even the most blessed things can cause for hard times! Let's just hope that the good outweighs the bad!
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