A blessing and a curse?

Being a Mother is a wonderful thing. I have done a lot of things in my 28 years but becoming a Mother has been #1. I can't think of anything in my life that is even comparable. But, I find that many aspects of being a Mother is both a blessing and a curse. Now, some of you may be freaking out reading that and thinking that I am saying parts of being a parent is a curse...that is not the case. Read on and let me clarify my statement of being a MOTHER is both a blessing and a curse.

#1 - BREASTFEEDING. I LOVE breastfeeding. I have breastfed all of my children and look back at doing that with fond memories. I am still nursing my youngest (almost 5 months old). I love nursing because I feel like I get a real moment to bond with my baby. There are many times when I remember curling up in a rocking chair and nursing and having a quiet moment with my baby. A Father does not get that privilege. Its a blessing for a Mom (who chooses to nurse and enjoys it. I realize its not for everyone.) Its a curse in the fact that when your baby of only a few days or weeks old wakes up every 1 or 2 hours, cluster feeding, all night long and the nursing Mother gets up every time to feed. Then, its a curse.

#2 - Just recently my husband and I have started a bit of sleep training with our almost 5 month old. He was becoming a terrible sleeper at night and we knew he was getting in some bad habits and wanted to fix them before they got too bad. I was complaining to my husband one night before sleep training officially started that I was exhausted from getting up all night long and still having to function either at work or with the other kids. He said "I don't mind getting up when you really need the break - especially on weekends when I don't have to get to work". I then had to explain that it doesn't matter because even if Henry wakes up and my husband goes to him (which I do appreciate), I will lie awake and listen to him soothing him to sleep, changing a diaper, etc. He said "Why? We have 3 kids. I am very capable" and I know that he is. I have no doubts in his parenting skills. But, once again, its a Mothers blessing and a curse. When our babies need soothing, loving, rocking, sleep training, etc etc we feel we have to be there for every single minute. I can very easily stay in my bed and let my husband go and tuck him back in or feed him a bottle that I pumped but I won't get any sleep. I will lay in my bed and listen to them in the monitor and fall back asleep when my husband comes back to bed and I know my baby is sound asleep again.

#3 - carrying a child. I couldn't imagine not being the one to carry my babies for 9 months and go through the whole labor and delivery thing. Don't get me wrong. Its not all pleasant by any means but nonetheless I consider it a "blessing" that I was able to do so 3 times. But with such a blessing comes the curse; excess weight, stretch marks, saggy boobs and extra skin, kegels, kegels, kegels!

#4 - Mommy guilt! Now this can cover oh so much! But to name a few that I have gone through. When I decide to quit nursing - whatever time that may be. You feel guilty (are they ready? Am I ready?) Being a stay at home Mom has guilt (They are missing out of the 'daycare' experience. They don't get a chance to play with other kids like daycare kids do.) If I go back to work whether after 4 months or 4 years (Is this the right thing to do? Do they need me at home? Is it worth it?) Wanting (perhaps needing!) an evening out - whether a date night with your hubby or a girls night out (Should I be home? Why do I feel like I need a night out? I should stay home...all the time!) Or disciplining your child. They need to be disciplined and you stand your ground and you do whats right and as your child is either having a time out or you've taken away one of their favorite things as punishment you lock yourself in the bathroom, feeling so terrible for doing so but know you can't cave. These are just to name a few and I'm sure for the most part reading that you're thinking "what part of that is a blessing?"  but I consider it to be a blessing because if you have those strong feelings it must be because you feel very strongly about something. If you didn't love your kids and your family you wouldn't struggle with Mom guilt. But, its also unfortunate (a curse, one might say) that you question everything you do. Why can't the decision to go back to work or stay home from be easy? Why can't disciplining your kids or planning an evening out be simple? Because we love our kids. We love our kids more than anyone every could and we always question ourselves because we want nothing but the best.

Being a Mother is a BLESSING! But even the most blessed things can cause for hard times! Let's just hope that the good outweighs the bad!