Today I read a blog about Questions that will save your relationship. I found it very interesting because the woman who wrote it wrote about the time when she had three small children at home - which is what I have. She talked about how a day as a stay at home Mom can be a whirlwind of emotions. Your day can be brutal and beautiful. You can be bored out of your mind but completely overwhelmed with everything you need to do. You can just want 5 minutes alone but the second you put your baby down you want to pick him up and take in his sweet smell again.
I know that some days I think I am the luckiest girl in the world for being able to stay home with my three babies and also feel bitter at the same time that I don't get to leave the house when its a mess and my kids are cranky! We are trained from young kids on to be polite and ask people "How was your day?" Its a nice thought to ask that question in hopes to hear "Great! How was yours?" But in reality, thats a terribly open question. On any given day if you say "Janna, how was your day?" I could say something like "I woke up exhausted and cranky but got in a cup of tea and a snuggle with Jack and then it got better. Then Jack spilled juice all over the floor and dumped out a bucket of legos and I felt like all I do is clean. But, then Henry started jumping like crazy in his jumperoo and giggling and I had to laugh and the mess seemed less extreme. Then my daughter came home from school and said she read a book and was so proud and I thought my heart was going to explode. Then I was trying to have supper ready by the time my husband got home from work but my baby was hungry at the same time and my son needed to go poop and wouldn't let anyone turn on the bathroom light but me and my daughter wanted help with her homework and I felt like I was spinning in circles!"
I like the idea of asking something like "When did you feel really happy today?" or if you can tell someone is having a rough day to say "What happened today to make you blue?" It becomes less open ended. In the blog I read she said that it seems weird to ask those things at first but is it really weird or have we just become so used to saying "How was your day?" that asking more specific things becomes "weird"? Or are we too scared to actually be honest about how we feel in fear of judgement? I often ask people "how are you?" or "How was your day?" but I do think people never answer that honestly or we don't actually listen enough to hear the truth. It becomes so normalized to just say "Fine" or "Good". I do agree that many days are good or have a lot of good in them but even with all the good we have bad and we don't need to be ashamed of that. Maybe we are exhausted or we had a bad day with the kids or at work or you and your husband got in a fight or you gained 5 pounds, etc etc. The list can go on and on. Do we have to hide that when our husbands or wives ask "How was your day?" or when your best friend says "how's it going?". Do we have to lie and say "fine" or "good". I think not. But, I think as long as we say "How are you?" we will continue to have answers that aren't that truthful. I am going to work on not only asking my husband a different version of "How was your day?" but I am going to ask my kids the same. When my daughter comes home from school and I say "How was your day?" she says "Good" or "I don't know". At bed time when I ask my kids "What was the best part of your day?" they actually think. They think about their day and can actually pick out a favorite thing. If I ask them "what was the worst part of your day?" they can usually think of something that way too, if they really stop and think. It may be as simple as "When I stubbed my toe on the ottoman" or "When you said I couldn't have a fruit snack at supper time" but nonetheless we are sitting and talking and learning more about one another. Maybe if I say "What part of your day pissed you off?" when my husband comes home grumbling about his job. Or if he is all smiles I can say "What happened to make you so happy?" then maybe I will find out a little more. Its worth a shot right?
Everyone wants someone to pay attention to them. I think that these types of questions could save your relationship...not only a relationship with your spouse or significant other but also your relationship with your kids or your friends.
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